Celebrity Watch Watch Back or In bed with Caitlin Moran

Also known as 'Saturday Morning' or any other morning noon and night on any random day

This Sunday lunch, Caitlin Moran has a Tricolore main consisting of barley - third in line to the pan after rise and bulgur - with leek, celery and fresh spring onions; vegetarian sausage with mushrooms and peperoncino sauce; traditional spinach and green peas mess, to match the colour of her shirt. More good news on the foodfront: there are now real lemons and oranges in the Co-op. It looks like the Co-op had run out of its usual stock of tinywiny, co-opy oranges and lemons, and now features proper ones.

26 April - SUNDAY or Art and Nature

Everything has changed For in truth, it's the beginning of nothing And nothing has changed Everything has changed For in truth, it's the beginning of an end And nothing has changed And everything has changed Sunday,


Art and Nature. My attitude to both so far has been like : Why would you want to possess a painting and have it all for yourself? It is like wanting to possess a whole sea or say a star in the sky. And if you have it then you would deprive others from having it for only as short as your life lasts. No matter how large would be the space you put it in, it would still be limited, as the number of people to see it and to interact with it would be limited. That's why you want art - paintings, sculpture, installations, fountains, films and music - all to be out there in galleries, parks, museums, cinemas, tv screens, youtubes, spotifies etc.

And then, no matter how rich you are, even if you are the Phillips Collection, you still won't be able to contain all the art that is out there in other collections, museums, galleries, Henry Moore parks, Topkapi Palaces etc etc. So why bother at the first place? It is better, I believed, to not have any art in possession and just roam from Michael Parkes' gallery in Amsterdam, to Paul Ranson's exhibition 2004 in Valence, to Picasso in Istanbul 2006, to Mahmoud Farshchian's Pavillion in the garden of Sa'dabad Palace in Tehran.... I mean you can't have it all. Or more precisely, you can have more of it only if you don't.

And then even if you haf a lot of it could briskly disappear; it could suddenly burn, say like my exhibition books collection - or the collection of the National Museum of Brazil for the matter. Thereafter I do no longer collect even as much as a postcard. Because it is one thing to lose money, and an entirely other thing to lose a collection - of books, paintings or anything - for it is money plus incalculable extravalue of things like relation, logic, logistic, sacrifice, love. For collections are entities, creatures, beautiful frankenstains of bits and pieces of the best artists in the world.

Then there was nature - why would you have a house on that beach, when there are all these other beaches? Obviously you can’t have a house on them all. Why would you put a fence on this loan, when there are all the medous in the middle of pine forests? Why would you have this piece of ground when there is this big, this very very big mountain down there? Why would you build an alpineum in a garden when there are the Alps? And so on the full spectrum of a proper Bedu logic. Me on my horse and the world around. “Where I lay my head is home”- was my personal choice. Whether I see it for 10 seconds or you owe it for 100 years, from Big Bang's point of view it's all the same.

Then comes Lockdown. And you end up locked with the palatable presence of Sir No Blake, monsieur Missing Bonnard and comrade Lackof Roussev in the room. Else to speake you end up locked with no piece of important art in the vicinity. After a while you realise that a virtual collections makes the exact amount of sense as a zoom party - it's merely better than nothing. It's educative but not fulfilling. It's the 'Human Reproduction' chapter in your school book compared to ...

I repeat: Then comes Lockdown. And you end up without five inches of grass under your bare feet, nor a bit of sky above your head, no old bush nor wretched tree to touch or hold.

Now you understand possession, envy and greed. Amidst Lockdown you want to be a pirate - to rule, not the Caribbean, all seas. You want to be a deviant warlord master of the Nung river in Vietnam. You want to be a Abdel Khader Khan possessing a mountain in Afghanistan…

Did I say you. Sorry. Amidst Lockdown I want to be a pirate, a warlord, a Taliban, a Putin on a worship if you like. Now I want to be an SS heir sitting in MY Amber Chamber hidden in the jungles of Brasilia. I want to be Bojkov the Skull caressing a Thracian helmet from 5th century BC in UAE . For if free access to Art and Nature is taken away from me then the Dark Side may take me over. I may change narrative and find myself inclined to join the forces of the Empire...

Tell the National Gallery that unless it start organizing viewings for people with severe disorders, I might have to brake in and take it over at the point of a kitchen knife. Oh, and for the optimists who expect the world to turn better post COVID19 quarantine; to miraculously turn more just and humane... If no noble thought has occured to this mind lately, better calibrate publics' expectations.

For Caitlin's louange of Clio, Thalia, Melpomene and Euterpe here


The Guess Where Pure Green Mao Feng, 22 March 2020 at teatime..

The Artful Moran Tea Conundrum*

A tea in a room so full of flowers that it smells like a wild meadow in the spring amidst beautiful paintings from the Soho Group (which I think I just invented).

Where? Ha ha! (Triumphantly) I am not saying. (It's not very difficult to guess though and I gave a clue).

The tea is Pure Green Mao Feng. Which makes me think of another possible tea menu entry : Pure Mature Stalin Rooibos.

Anyhooo, inspired by our Lady Badger of the Stars.

By the way Lady Badger, in this room we are only two. The other woman, after having drank a latte, now drinks....champagne... and I feel like a muppet with my cup of tea.... 

As if an English manfriend was not enough, now also tea drinking is necessary...

For the Starry Badgger's article 'Tea vs Coffee'  here   

* Conundrum my February word

Love is in the... article! 14th February and other days - Love in The Time of COVID 19

... it must be!

Somewhere by the end of January I decided to do a late New Year turn early Easter cleaning of LAAF and swept away more than 30 (thirty! not less) articles and double the number of photos and collages dedicated to Caitlin Moran, and started thinking... if this is not love, what is?!

Also thinking: may be I am a lesbian after all. Some sort of platonic-prosaic, certainly not poetic, lesbo?

Who cares.... it's called love baby.

The alter of the perfectly mysterious threesome CW 2D6+15/02 & Minamoto Kitchoan & Oseyo.

You know how when part of an old couple - people start sharing lines, looks, reactions and other.

Well, for this Valentine my English manfriend and I exchanged, for mutual surprise, nearly the same presents.

I gave him sweets from Minamoto Kitchoan, "The Authentic Japanese Confectionary". He gave me pudds from Oseyo, "The Korean Food & Culture Hub". I guess this is our abstract way to deal with our fears of the Sinovirus - an exchange of sweet Sino-antidote. But this is a different story.

What strikes me now is that as soon as the Magazine is out this Saturday morning, I hurry to amass our couple's Valentine presies at my official platonic lover's altar. And my English manfriend doesn't mind. I think he knows, just as well as I do, that in this mysterious threesome abides the secret of our couples' balance - I live with my English manfriend / I talk to Our Lady Badger.

Le Ménage à trois parffait.

Lets chew some rise cake to that.

15 February 2020