Go Green

Love the Planet Day

LAAF asks the mayor of London for one Vehicles Free Day per month. No motor-vehicles on the streets whatsoever. Only tube may go.

First Sunday of every month, to set our priorities right at the begining of each month, Love the Planet Day.

 


Precious Rubbish

After its Islington Clean-Up, Laaf has to report the following:

1. The combined Keep Britain Tidy and Laaf cleaning mobilisation abilities are ZERO. If these were elections, our Coalition for Clean London would have scored 0% of the electorate.

(For experiment's sake, Laaf might ally with an OCG, Line of Duty I am watching you 👀, and organize a Keep London High party then compare the pulling powers of the two initiatives).

By 1130 Islington Green was spotlessly clean.

2. Parks clean-ups (which means walking around a park collecting rubbish with a pick-up stick and a rubbish bag) are par excellence a Sandy-Summer Fashion 2019 activity (on SSF2019 see the Fashion subpage). Just like when walking down a beach one finds all sorts of natural objects - pebbles, oyster and crabs shells etc and manmade objects - sunglasses, single earings, single flip flops etc; thus at the park clean-ups one finds natural objects - leaves, branches, flowers etc and manmade objects - knickers, socks, pencils and other unexpected items.

Declaring a war on rubbish. (As a whole, the Green was rather clean.)

3. Every garden has its specific rubbish which gives it its particular face. We've read about rubbish-searching journalists and detectives, but you have to experience it to understand it, as unless picked up all rubbish looks the same. We did (my free-range satanist and I. No one else came. Not even our sole volunteer from the Hampstrad Heath clean-up. The one we failed to spot last Saturday and vice versa ) three gardens and they all had very distinctive rubbish spectrum. The acquired knowledge and understanding is so new to me, that I don't even won't to share it! Which on its turn is a new and unexpected experience for me. This is the first time I see myself stingy about information. (Ha! What about that?!?)

St Mary's church yard tremendously dirty. Once a month the congregation should be invited to walk around with pick up sticks.

4. It is like stepping into a parallel reality where one is given a higher security clearance and gets access to tons of pertinent information. The surreal about it is that the information is carried by strange and unexpected hard drives. The magical about it is that one and the same object has two different meanings in the two realities.

The conclusion : Pick up a pick up stick and go for it. What an extraordinary experience.

1300pm New River Path

5. Recommendations : A new Clean London Tax should be created and imposed. The calculation of it should go like this: two taxmen walk around, one with a pick-up stick, another one with a note book and a pencil. Each picked up item sees Clean London tax imposed on it. All fast food chains or single shops. All take away products in all the Tescos, Sainsburys and Waitroses.

Also service charge in cafés and restaurants should be abolished as it contributes much to the rubbish problem.

6. One thing one would have never guessed is what massive polluter the betting shop William Hill is!

Just when London felt great for having eliminated plastic straws, and effectively there were none at the pick up yesterday; what there was plenty en revanche, was an unbelievable number of tiny blue pens around all parks. I have never ever seen them before, but at the clean up I picked up tens of them.

"What are those? And why are there so many of them?" I asked my free-range satanist, the Corduroy. "These are William Hill's Unlucky Pens. They jinx them so that people who use them never win".

William Hull is a massive jinxer I reckon as their Unlucky Pens make also people who don't use them lose - the Battle for Clean Planet.


Christmas Trees Resurrection at Easter

Corduroy and the Christmas tree on its way to resurrection

This is my friend Kadifeto (Corduroy in English). He is self-proclaimed Satanist. By self-proclaimed I mean that he is not a member of any Satanic Church or organization. By Satanist I mean that he had chosen to worship Satan as a god.

"Everybody should have a god" Corduroy would wisely say, "But they should choose their god well. Satan is doing plenty for me".

He would then go and chat a "Black citizen" (as he puts it) and try to convince him to worship Snoop Dogg. "What did Jesus do for you?" Corduroy would passionately ask and while the innocent citizen wonders what to replay Corduroy would excitedly continue "See! NOTHING! Jesus had done nothing for you. Why don't you start worship Snoop Dogg? I am sure Snoop Dogg would do more for you than Jesus. Bob Marley would also do well for a God" and he would go on until the baffled citizen manages to run away from the unlikely preacher.

Being a Satanist looks like rather straightforward business to me: "You do exactly the opposite of what Christians do" Corduroy would say repeatedly, "They pollute the planet - you clean it up." ( Hence the idea to join Keep Britain Tidy campaign in the frame of which we initiated two Clean Up events. Corduroy's Hampstead Heath clean up being the day before Easter . This clean up went rather quietly with only one volunteer, through Keep Britain Tidy, wanting to join us and then failing to spot us in the crowded park. All the Bulgarian friends we've invited to join us failed to attend).

"They sacrifice trees to celebrate their god's birthday - you plant them back on the occasion of his death".

So before Easter, Corduroy roams all the back-common grounds around Crouch End in search for abandoned, potted Christmas trees and "saves them" by replanting them on the public green areas near by. He gives the "sacrificed Christmas trees a second life". Resurrects them so to speak. Much swearing is involved in the process, as Corduroy can't understand why would somebody buy a Christmas tree in a pot if they don't intend to plant it back in nature. He also swears because year after year he waits until Easter to resurrect through planting the Christmas trees back as to not deprive their original owners from the chance to do so themselves by snatching them beforehands. "The planting season in this country is February/March. Now is kind 'a late. Hope it will catch up".

Corduroy waters the resurrected Christmas tree from a 5 litre bottle he had brought for the purpose. Now on he would visit the tree weekly and water it. Before leaving the tree Corduroy wishes it good luck growing and adorns it with a Martenitsa - the Martenitsa is a Bulgarian pagan amulet for health and beauty. It consists of a white and a red thread enlaced into each other. All Bulgarians wear them from the 1st of March until they see a stork or a blossoming tree. Corduroy puts it on the tree and tells it loudly "Grow healthy".

Corduroy and the saved tree

On our way back we pass near a church "Look, how thick are the walls of the tower Jesus needs to protect him" Corduroy murmurs through clenched teeth.

Ay ay ay Jesus, so many trees wait on your shoulders... and so many church walls too.

"We are the other tentacle of the Green Octopus - the children riot (meaning Extinction Rebellion), we clean and plant"

LAAF's Clean up is at 10.30 next Saturday, 27 April, gathering point Islington Green.

Easter 2019


Clean-Uppers Party

This cheerful party of Clean Uppers was spotted on the 16th of April by the Union Canal (between N1C and Camden).

Friendly enough to pose they preferred to stay anonymous.

Getting Ready for the Clean Ups

See Laaf's two clean-ups below

Despite the efficiency and pleasantness of Camden Environmental Team the experience was rather scary because of the...computerised elevators.

Using a computerised elevator I found myself at the 8th floor. There, at the 8th floor, my 2nd-floor-pass wasn't working. Unable to call or use the elevator, with two large packets in my arms, surrounded by people asking me why my pass isn't working and suspiciously looking at the pick-up sticks packets, I had a good sweat bath before finding my way out.

My first contact with centrally managed computarised elevators turned to be a rather depressing experience.

Looking forward to see what AI: More Than Human exhibition (at the Barbican opening 16 May) will say on the subject.

5 April 2019

Laaf is happy to announce two clean-ups :

Corduroy's Hampstead Heath Spring Clean Up

Date: 2019-04-20 Time: 12:00 Location: Hampsted Heath NW5 1QR

All welcome

We gather at  noon at the quiosqu at Parliament Hill.

And

London Art and Food Welcome Summer Clean Up

Date: 2019-04-27

Time: 10:30

Location: Islington Green , N1 8DU

We gather in the morning at Islington Green, then we move to St Mary Church garden, then Asteys Row Rock Gardens and the New River Path


The Flower Boys

The Flower Boys on Bicycles are now in town.

Their Flower Box functions on a similar principal to that of the Veg Box : instead of cabbage roses.

Delivered by tall, handsome and fit young men.... forget the postman and the plummer.

Visualise Axl Rose but young, taller and with British manners ringing your door bell armed wit a box of seasonal flowers....

(See the picture bellow!)

Hello spring.

A Freddie's Flowers boy