Fifty Shapes Of Yellow Sponge or Pop Horn

Our Lady of Hurrah by Antony Buonomo or @vertigoprint on Instagram

Hooray hooray hooray

Our Lady of All Virtues and Good Ideas came again! That is, with a banger of idea:

Each woman writes her own porn.

Can't be better than this. I'll start first. My favourite sexual fantasy goes like this :

The international news presentation of which each sentence is read in a different language. Alternating languages that I understand with languages that I don't.

On a particularly horny days I extend the international news to parallel-realities' international news where I occasionally get on or drop off the specific telepathic frequency of this or that sequence reality.

Possibly there will be women who won't find my fantasy very arousing. But they should know that for this, just as for everything else, there is a good explanation. Or more precisely there are (at least) two explanations (By the by, the only thing I have in one, as a quantity, is my son. Everything else I have in two or more, for example two ex-husbands).

Reason one : the past. I remember feeling sexually aroused when at about 10, heard for the first time the word combination Sendero Luminoso on the 8 o'clock news. At that time the news at home were in Bulgarian on Bulgatian National TV, there wasn't other, for my mother and in Arabic on BBC radio, or Radio Monte Carlo for my father. The world combination in a third, unknown language put me in a state of fervent excitement. Since, the international news have always a lightly arousing effect on me .

Reason two : the present. Today when I spoke on the phone with a woman from "Islington Works" to her question "Sexual orientation?" (Very arousing heh? - a council worker whose face one has never seen opens sexual themes on a first, job related conversation! How modern ! How avantgard! It is basically sex-talk solicitation, isn't it?) To which I heard myself answering "Menauposal". After the initial burst of laughter from both sides - even I found myself unprepared - I regretted my inventiveness, as Lesslie, bless her, at the other end of the line, couldn't stop laughing and I had to smoke a whole cigarette before the interview resumes.

So yes, definitely WOMEN! WRITE YOUR OWN GOOD PORN!

LAAF is mine.

CW's is Our Lady of Hurrah's

A collection of Women's Sexual Fantasies from Around the World might be an interesting read.

For Caitlin Moran's original " My top turn-ons"